A bit of a writing ;)

I want to submit more works here sooo much! I like showing them. I can even say that having this blog is a bit pushing me to draw because I want to show more and more! Show that art is my real passion, my big love, my hobby and the joy of my life! This is something I want to do every day. But also like a child amazed with the fire seen for the first time who wants to touch it, I burn really fast. 

What does it mean?

I like to see the result of my hard work, I work inch after inch and when I am done with little piece, I like to step back, cover with my hands what is undone and imagine how this little fragment will look when all the rest is done. This builds me up. I used to show versions in progress of the drawings so others could see, what I see. Imagine, what the rest of this undone drawing will look like, if it was done. Get enthusiastic of expected results so I don't want to leave it even if I am very tired.

But... I noticed that not  everyone can look through the pink glasses that I can.

I show 60% finished drawing and my soul shouts: " Look! I have done so much! I have spent 59846254 hours, and its not finished yet, but you can already see the result! Look! It impress even me myself, that I've done it. That I was so patient! That I gave up watching film with my beloved, I gave up precious hours of sleep, but I do not regret. Just look!"

And suddenly my thoughts are muted: "Oh.. nice.. but is that really what her right hand looks like? Ok, maybe it is... Hey, who is it anyways?"

or:

"Nice... can you tell me why did you choose to draw this picture? Did you know that right side of it doesn't look quite right...?"

I am ok with criticism. I also need it, but when the work is done. Before it is, it feels like...

...yay... someone just blew the amazing flame of my candle. Was it even real?

Ah, probably this one isn't really that impressing. I will start another one... but first I will catch up with the wasted hours of sleep.

And I won't get back to drawing for the next few days or weeks...

Currently I have 7 or 8 drawing started and all of them are left for more less same reason. Somebody suggested that working on them is pointless...

I am not very "strong character" type of person. I break down easily and it's very hard for me to get back to being myself.

*

So if you are viewing this blog from time to time and see no movement, don't think I quit drawing. I will never ever do that! Just since this day I am giving up on posting works in progress until my work is completed. Be patient and you won't be disappointed! :)